This shot is what happens when 10+ people are sitting around a table, watching a brave few take a “dare” shot (Tuxedo T-Shirt), only to have them say it wasn’t that bad at all. Of course, being the creator of AFOV, I was the person chosen to take an even worse shot to make up for the let down that the Tuxedo T-Shirt was as a gross shot. I finally feel like people are understanding my role here. My new shot was Jagermeister®, Goldschlager®, 1800® Reposado Tequila, and a splash of Hpnotiq®.

My memory of the night is a little hazy (or downright spotty), but somewhere right around the time that we took the Tuxedo T-Shirt shot I started getting texts from a random number. I’m guessing this girl was drunk, because her messages were as follows:

1. “How are you?”
2. “This is _______.”
3. Want me to send you a naked pic to refresh your memory?”

I figured out who she was by the second text, but was confused because by no means would a naked picture of her “refresh my memory” since she was just a friend in high school. Of course, once I showed the texts to the shouting masses at my table, they all wanted me to get the pictures by any means necessary. I decided against it for various reasons, but mostly because I got tanked within 10 minutes of the first text and forgot all about the conversation until the next day. And no, I won’t post the pics up if I ever get them… unless you ask politely… and send me money. Would that make this a pay-for-porn site? Awesome.

So, once again we’ve established that I’m trashed by this point. The restaurant from hell decided that closing time for a proper bar is 12:30 and started booting people out. I remembered a trashy dive bar that I had been to before and demanded that the sober people take me there. Our group split in half and about 5 of us made it to the bar. I didn’t notice anything strange, since I consider this bar to be the home of the stereotypical booze-hounds, bar maids, and general freaks still reliving decades past. We wandered to the far side of the bar by the dance floor and took up seats at a few tables. Immediately, a woman well beyond the cougar age scale tapped me on the shoulder and started flirting with me and offering me drinks. Obviously, I had a few more drinks. They were free!

I scouted out the room and decided that the only good looking woman in the entire place was in her 40s and dancing about 5 feet from our table, which potentially meant… more free drinks! She ended up near us and my charm lasted for almost an entire minute before she smiled, looked me up and down, and said “Come find me when you’re a little older.” My only logical thought was “You’re 3 steps from bottoming out.” I was laughing pretty hard at that mishap and enjoying my free drinks when the bar finally closed and we all took off. I declared that bar the most amazing place on earth as we drove away, as I absolutely love characters and stories, and that place is a lexicon of both.

The best part of that bar came two days later when I got a text from Josh, explaining to me that someone’s mom had seen us at the bar and was wondering why we were at swinger’s night at a dive bar. I had to sit for a minute and calm my breathing before I could text Josh back, because I was laughing so hard I think I actually shed a man tear or two. I now apparently know where an old people swinger’s night exists in this world. I also realize why the lady behind me kept feeding me drinks, even though it was obvious that her boyfriend/husband was sitting right there. Gross.

Anyways, that second drink I took at Satan’s Bar & Grill deserves some kind of review after that story. It was honestly the first shot I have taken that I was slightly disgusted by. I can definitely see many a contender trying the shot and projecting a variety of substances immediately. It tastes like hair growing on your chest. It glows bright red and shines with little flakes of gold suspended in its evil. This is a shot that you make people drink on their 21st birthdays and hopefully never again.

Ingredients

1 Part: Jagermeister®
1 Part: Goldschlager®
1 Part: 1800® Reposado Tequila
1 Splash: Hpnotiq®

Instructions

Mix in a shaker with ice. Strain into shot glasses and try not to let the lucky drinkers smell it before they taste it. They won’t win the battle.

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Filed under: None by Cory